


I am the Lorax. I fuck for the trees.

by tinkle_time



Category: Gravity Falls, The Lorax (2012), The Lorax - Dr. Seuss
Genre: Hand Jobs, Oral Sex, Other, Skull Fucking, Unsafe Sex, author has an unhealthy attraction to trees, sap as lube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-09
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-10-16 18:15:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10576800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tinkle_time/pseuds/tinkle_time
Summary: "Manly" Dan Corduroy is chopping trees in the forest of Gravity Falls, and a certain guardian of the trees takes issue. Are their differences purely based on values, or do they stem from unresolved sexual tension?





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so fucking sorry. Like. So much.

Dan strode through the forest with purpose. The late afternoon sun glinted off of his ax, which rested snugly in a holster at his side. As he walked, Dan considered chopping down the gargantuan pine tree on the eastern edge of his favorite logging spot. The regal old pine had clearly endured a lot. The gnarled bark was covered in scarred portions and knots, and there was no doubt in Dan’s mind that examining its rings would reveal a long and storied past filled with droughts and fires.

  
The tall pine loomed in the middle distance, and Dan began stretching his arms and shoulders as he walked toward it. He needed his muscles warmed up and loose for the feat he was about to attempt. The tree was roughly four feet across in Dan’s conservative estimate, and it would take the better part of a day to chop the giant down. He would likely have to continue chopping tomorrow. With some luck and hard work, Dan could have the tree felled by dusk the following day.

Standing at the base of the pine, Dan unbuttoned the first few buttons of his flannel shirt and rolled up his sleeves. Coppery hair pushed its way out of his open collar, gleaming masculinely in the late afternoon light. His muscular forearms strained against his shirtsleeves. Dan unsheathed his ax and gave a few light practice swings at the face of the tree. He adjusted his stance and swung lightly twice more. Once he marked where he wanted his ax to strike, Dan filled his massive chest with crisp forest air and swung. The experienced lumberjack harnessed the kinetic energy surging through his burly form and his ax hit its mark. Chunks of wood flew away from the pine.

Dan gave the tree a handful of good strokes before he stilled his ax. Only a few swings in, Dan’s chest was heaving and he was already well on his way to a half chub. Adrenaline was coursing through his veins, and he knew that this would be an immensely satisfying tree to finish off. He set off again, his body working like a well-oiled machine. The muscular lumberjack continued to work his axe against the thick, firm pine in long, steady strokes. Half an hour passed without incident. Dan noted a few changes in that time: his clothing was soaked through with sweat, his ax was cutting a few inches deeper, and the stirring in his boxers had escalated to the point that it was a nuisance.

  
Dan prepared to take another swing. As he hefted the ax back into position in his strong, calloused hands, he saw a small being step out from behind the pine. The creature was bright orange, less red than Dan’s chest hair, and was short and squat like Danny DeVito. It fit the description of the Lorax from his grannie’s old stories, but Dan didn’t remember ever feeling so attracted to the guardian of the trees. The creature was compact and muscular, not unlike Dan himself, and something about its firm orange body made Dan’s blood heat. “Hey, uh. Y’know, you shouldn’t be standing behind trees like that. I could’ve--”

  
Dan was abruptly cut off by the angry DeVito doppleganger. “What the fuck are you doing, you miserable fuck? I protect the damn trees, and your chopping just sucks. This tree won’t be slain, no, not on my watch. I’ll punch you and stab you and kick at your crotch.”

  
A heated silence stretched on for a beat between the two. Dan, who was rendered momentarily speechless at the unexpected intrusion on his whacking session, regained his composure and went on the attack. “Listen here, you fuzzy shitstain. I have logging rights on this land, and I’m going to fucking exercise them. You can try to stop me, or you can go back to whatever patchouli-scented hippie commune you stumbled out of.”

  
“If you think I can’t stop you, then do as you please. But you listen up, bitch. I will speak for these trees!” shouted the Lorax.

  
“You ‘speak’ for them? That’s a load of bullshit. Trees don’t think, and they sure as shit don’t talk. You wanna speak for the trees? What do they say to this?” Dan stepped forward and leaned toward the pine. “BLOW ME!” he shouted, veins protruding from his thick neck and spittle flying onto the bark.

  
The small forest guardian considered Dan stoically for a moment. Its gaze fell fleetingly on Dan’s straining erection. “I don’t think that the trees can give you what you need. Do you want a warm place to deposit your seed?”

  
Dan froze. The Lorax couldn’t possibly mean what Dan hoped it meant. “What do you mean by that?” Dan croaked with his rapidly drying throat.

  
The Lorax, sensing Dan’s conflicted reticence, took a step towards the man. It looked up at him coyly and muttered, “Looks like someone could use some erotic relief. Can I give you some head if I don’t use my teeth?”

  
Dan considered its offer. On the one hand, he desperately wanted to get off. An afternoon of splitting virgin wood had left him aching with need. On the other hand, the Lorax was an aggressive mythical creature with undetermined oral sex skills. He could very well get a lackluster blowjob, or worse. But Dan didn’t get the moniker “Manly” Dan Corduroy for nothing. Summoning all of his resolve, Dan locked eyes with the forest guardian. “Don’t write a check that your ass can’t cash. D’you think you can take me?” Dan growled lowly, grasping his erection through his jeans.

  
The Lorax hummed appreciatively and licked its lips. Well, Dan thought it did. It was hard to tell with the Lorax’s giant mustache. The Lorax locked eyes with Dan and said “Do you think that your dick is too big for me, son? I’ve been sucking huge dicks since before you were one.”

  
With that, the Lorax stood in front of Dan, undid his jeans, and pulled his cock free. Dan hissed as the cool forest air hit his skin, and he reveled in the feeling of the Lorax’s fur on his bare cock. He could feel his chest, neck, and face starting to blush. The Lorax started gently pumping his cock, but Dan grabbed its wrist. “Can you.. Lube?” he choked out.

  
“Well you see, all you need is your friend the nice tree. In addition to shade and the air that we breathe, the most wonderful lube is between these fine leaves,” the Lorax explained.

  
The Lorax reached behind itself and scooped up a handful of sap from the pine tree. It slathered the goo into Dan’s member and, watching for his reaction, began to work his erection with its furry, sap-covered hand. Dan shuddered. The sap, though sticky and impractically viscous, felt a lot better than he thought it would. He found himself wondering how, with all of the time he spent among the trees, he had never thought to use them to pleasure himself. His breath hitched. “F-uhk!”

  
The Lorax grinned and sped up his movements, paying special attention to the head of Dan’s thick cock. “I would bet that feels good. Just the best, I would guess. Could you do me a favor and come on my chest?”

  
Dan could’ve come just hearing those words, but he tried to hold back. “Not yet, pal. You promised me that sweet mouth. I’m gonna skullfuck you until you can’t talk with those pretty rhymes of yours,” Dan growled.

  
The Lorax moaned desperately and lunged forward, carefully removing its hand from Dan’s sap-covered cock and replacing it with its mouth. It gripped Dan’s hips and did its best to hold on as Dan fucked into its mouth with reckless abandon. Where the Lorax’s hand worked him slowly, almost teasing and never quite enough, its mouth was hot, wet, and slick, allowing Dan to thrust at his own pace. And thrust he did. Dan gave dick with the confidence of a seasoned lumberjack chopping firewood. The Lorax, an ageless being who had been in many situations such as this, was at a loss for words, having never been skullfucked with such ferocity and need in its immeasurable life. Dan could feel his orgasm approaching, and he pulled the Lorax’s face so far onto his cock that he could feel its mustache against his pubic hair. He roared as he pumped his load into the Lorax’s eager mouth. Dan had never yelled so loud, not even when he shouted “timber!”

  
The Lorax gulped Dan’s seed down and leaned against the weary pine. Dan’s chest heaved as he tried to recover, stuffing his cock back into his jeans. “You, uh. You do that pretty well for a conservationist wack-a-doo” he panted.  
“I appreciate praise when it’s given sincere. In all honesty, you have just made my whole year,” the Lorax said, straightening its fur.

  
Dan fidgeted as he fixed his clothes. “Could you, uh. I mean. Would you want to do this again sometime?” he asked.  
The Lorax just smiled wisely, blinked slowly, and nodded once. It slowly made its way behind the pine tree whence it came. Just before the Lorax disappeared from Dan’s sight, it turned to Dan. “Have you ever tried sounding with pine needles, Dan? For our next forest meeting, that sounds like a plan!”

  
Dan merely nodded. After organizing his thoughts somewhat, he turned around and began his walk home. He could probably get back before it was completely dark out, and the kids would likely wonder where he’d been. He would just have to tell them that this old gnarled pine tree was giving him trouble.

**Author's Note:**

> Anapestic tetrameter can suck my dick. Shoutout to my college poetry professor.


End file.
